at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
