i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my shit smells like andre
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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