First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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