Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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