So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
