I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
