shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
