I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
