no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
