based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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