I'm so fucking centered right now
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
