when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
