my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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