i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
