in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
