She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
