I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize