bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
