i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
