walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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