I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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