you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
