haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
