For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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