chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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