I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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