Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
