and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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