it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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