Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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