Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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