bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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