i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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