I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize