how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
