oh god the rape fog is back!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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