Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
