Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We left the knife in your bed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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