:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
