someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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