Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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