I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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