His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
