I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
