you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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