he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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