Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
