I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
