walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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