Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just had sex on a roof
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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