I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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