life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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