some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize