did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
