btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You pole danced in your parka.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
