I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
