If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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