I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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