So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
