evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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