i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
