Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
