It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
