the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
