And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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