my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize