no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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