Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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