I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
