I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
