i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
