is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so let's talk penis.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
