I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
