I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
not ubering you a puppy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
