you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize