You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
