I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
