Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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