okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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