So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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