no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
