I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
