She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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