So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
