why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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