I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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