I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
