I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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