I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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