yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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