You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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