the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
