ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
