I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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