I can tuck mytits in my pants
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
