Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
