Your dad touched me again.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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