No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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