i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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