You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
