dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
