So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
