Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
