dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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