if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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