Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
