I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
