So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
