after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
